I think, in the world of the CFS diagnosis, we have been rather blessed to have our specialist. Whilst she has not been able to offer us much in terms of treatments or explanations, she has the wisdom of vast experience. True, the lack of answers is incredibly frustrating but at the very first appointment this doctor told us one thing that has helped us keep our sanity and that was that our child’s social life must come first (before academic and sporting..although if any of these overlap it is ideal) I’ve written about this before but it’s impossible to overemphasis just how helpful this advice has been for us as parents.
In short, when your child is struggling to hold onto their ‘real world’ by their fingertips the temptation to think ‘school attendance above everything’ is great. And certainly, if your child has the energy to keep attending, study and socialise, or even just attend and socialise it’s a good way to do it. But when you take into consideration the child’s inability to sensory gate, let alone see the page in 20/20 vision it’s easy to understand why school attendance is so exhausting.
Our child recently told us, after struggling to attend once a week for months, that it was just too hard to be there now so no fun at all. And if a CFS kid isn’t enjoying school (most of these kids like studying when they are well and many love it) it’s time to look at other options.
So, our girl is no longer attempting to get to school but has started Distance Education maths with a view to staying out of school for the rest of the year if necessary. This has taken a lot of physical pressure off her body and has been the right decision for her at the right time.
Yesterday our girl came to her specialist appointment for the first time in 6 months. I had attended the previous two alone as she had been too unwell. ( I suspect this is the only illness where parents regularly rock up to appointments alone?! Certainly our specialist never betrayed surprise!) I was relieved to have her with me as I suspect the doctor was that I did.
Our girl left the appointment feeling good about all her choices. She had told her specialist that she was happy to no longer be trying to get to school for the time being but hoped to get back into it gradually next year. Also that she has regular visits from friends and from next term will be going to her old primary school, on the next block, for an hour once a week to read with the 5 to 7 year olds. The primary school is delighted she wants to be there and happy for her to come or not come depending on her health that day.
I still have my angry and sad moments. I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t. And sometimes I wonder if I should be angrier. But, for now, acceptance is serving my daughter well. I’m still looking for answers and following the research ..more about that later…
At this point my daughter is rarely in pain. Her main symptom enemies are bone heavy fatigue and nausea. If pain were a bigger issue we would not be accepting the status quo. Would not be able to.
Enough for now. Smiling and waving.